just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
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