how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
