you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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