What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
