i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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