I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
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