I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
where does the pee come out of this thing
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
