a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
