I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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