I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
