she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
