I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
