So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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