i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
