just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
