Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
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my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
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