I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
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