Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
