This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
They are going to name an STD after you.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
