Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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