I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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