he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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