Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
