If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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