So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
