I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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