my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
