sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
