I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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