just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
