My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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