Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
