I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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