the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Farmville is her only friend.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
