The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
