i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize
