My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
sex in a hospital.. check
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
