Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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