Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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