also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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