So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Randomize
