If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
At least life still wants to fuck me.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
