I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
