Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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