yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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