You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
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