just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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