put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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