you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
