how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
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