Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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