I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I'm getting married
To pizza
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
