i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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