i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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