Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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