Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
