Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize