Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
