i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
