textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
