Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
πππ what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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